Ruvheneko has spoken of her immense pain of losing her twins and also going through divorce. She told Trevor Ncube in an interview that she did not miscarry but delivered her twins. “First lesson is not everyone is happy for you. The second lesson is protect beautiful things because people ruin beautiful things, just keep quiet.
Does she regret having shared about her pregnancy, she was
asked “Yes and No. Yes, because, you know it didn’t serve me long term to have
shared it and No because my story opened up for so many women to reach out and
talk about something that otherwise is never talked about. In Shona there is a
saying usafukure hapwa, that is one of those things, a miscarriage or losing
your children. Mine, I don’t call it a miscarriage because, I delivered, they
were alive at birth, so we can’t call that a miscarriage. I lost my babies. It’s
a completely different experience, there was no blood and then suddenly they
were gone. I didn’t interact with them. I held them breathing. So it’s a loss
and a lot of women reached out and we have connected on a level that we would
never have before.
I would say that don’t try to heal on your own. You have to
find a way to heal. I don’t believe in keeping quiet about stuff like that.
There is a shame that women carry with that, especially if its your first
attempt at being a mother, you then feel like a failure. There is a shame that
you carry to say I could not carry a child to term. My womb is not fit for
motherhood. So you also don’t want to talk about that publicly because
zvinokunyadzisa, kuti haubereki, wakaita sei. So there is something that stops
women from speaking about it freely because there is stigma. So that’s something
that women need to understand that you are not a failure, it is not your fault.
On her divorce, Ruvheneko said “No-one goes into a marriage,
expecting it will end, at least I hope not, especially from a Christian basis. …..
…….With divorce you have to be strong to do it because culture also does not
condone it. They will be every single family member telling you lets pray, lets
fast, go for counselling, ngatiitei matare. I applaud our families for being
home makers, they are not home wreckers. Our African culture, will allow a man
to have four wives before they say divorce. It was not easy going through the
divorce for the reasons why I divorced again, even reconciling with those, I
have since forgiven my ex husband. I have no problems with my ex husband. He
has gone on with his life and I am happy that he has.
Watch it In Conversation with Trevor on Youtube
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